Value in repeating yourself

I’ve always been bugged hearing people repeat things in meetings, calls, conversations, etc. There is something about hearing the same piece of information multiple times in a conversation that makes me irritable.

My inner voice screams, “I got it already, let’s move on!”

Though, there is a magic to repeating something three or more times or changing how a question is asked a few times. I learned the idea as the 3+ rule in negotiations.

The rule is fairly straightforward: stay with a question until it has been answered three or more times, or repeat a statement three or more times. Not only does hearing information again keep the information in our minds, but hearing it repeatedly provides an opportunity to reevaluate the information, whether it’s a decision, a question, or reinforcing the importance of the information.

The rule is hard to abuse, but it can be done. We’ve all been on the other side of a conversation when someone states the same thing, in the same way, several times in a row, making us feel little in the process.

The rule isn’t about hammering someone into compliance, but it is about giving people the opportunity to look at information or a decision from different perspectives and across a period of time. The rule is helping the other person in the conversation emotionally commit to a decision or the information being provided.

The rule can open up amazing conversations; next time there is an important decision or information to share, try the 3+ rule across the conversation to give people an opportunity to confirm a commitment, clarify an important question, or reinforce important information.

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