I was listening to Negotiation Anything while catching up on my huge podcast backlog over the 2020 holidays.

I was struck by this statement by Jessica Pettitt during the conversation:

“It’s never wrong for someone to feel they like they exist in your world.”

This statement really defined the difficulties I had with the team I was part of in 2020. I didn’t feel like I existed in any of the team members’ worlds. It was a very difficult struggle for me to show up every day when I felt invisible to the team, and it felt my contributions were invalidated through poor communication from me and the other team members.

There were several other interesting communication and connection ideas posed during the podcast:

• There was the idea that we can keep the opportunity for connections open with various people, especially jobs which tend to have scripts like cashiers, baristas, wait staff, etc, by introducing ourselves and not interrupting the script. By interrupting the script, we have opted out of the possibility of a connection with that person; we would be better off leaving the opting out to the other person.
• Here’s the idea behind connection: “The connection is letting the human know I see them and gives them the chance to let me know I’m seen too."
• The intentional conversation steps open space to allow them to teach you and provide something to learn from. Intentionally forming a message and intention of a message before putting it out prevents having to undo the damage, walk back statements, etc.

Jessica provided two steps to an intentional conversation:

• Observe and pay attention to the person we are about to connect with, to find out where they are at.
• Allow them to enter the conversation, then you follow.

I’ve been trying out the intentional conversation steps when opportunities come up – they seem to be in short supply right now due to COVID-19. The steps do help me pay better attention to where the other person is in the conversation, and what perspective I need to enter the conversation from,

I’m curious to see how making people feel they exist in my world changes my relationships and interactions in 2021.